If you have teenagers, then you have probably scratched your head trying to figure out how to get them to talk to you. Does this conversation sound familiar: “How was your day?” “Fine.” “Did anything happen at school today?” “No.” “What do you want for dinner?” “Food.” “Do you have any homework?” “Not really.” Wait a minute. Two words in response? Woo-hoo! Things are looking up.
The reality is that effective communication on our terms is almost impossible – unless we employ some good strategies that get them to talk and that puts each person on the same level. If you want them to maintain eye contact, answer in full sentences, and volunteer information you did not ask for, then you’re better off talking to your dog. But this doesn’t mean all hope is lost. You just need to be creative, so try employing these simple strategies:
Ask questions that need more than a one-word answer
This may seem obvious, but unless you want a conversation like my example above, then you need to be intentional:
Which classes in school do you like the most? What do you want to do this weekend? Are there any clubs/sports/instruments you want to pursue? If so, then let’s talk about getting you into the ones you like. How do you feel about the other people in your school? Teachers? You get the idea. It’s important to remember to give them time to answer. Peppering them with multiple questions will probably shut them down. Also, don’t demand eye contact. They may feel like a cornered animal and they will just want to escape the situation. This leads to our second simple strategy:
Talking while doing other things
Not distractions like watching movies or TV – those are terrible times to talk. Activities are a great time to add depth to your conversations. Some of the best talks with my kids came during car rides home from school or sports while we were sitting side by side. In their minds we were just driving home, but in my mind we were having meaningful conversations. Doing dishes is also a great time to have conversations. Again, side by side while doing other things. Playing catch, shooting hoops or doing chores are all great times to have conversations. Be intentional about taking advantage of these moments.
Ask them how to text for effect
Yes, ask them about texting and social media. They will feel like experts compared to you! When texting became a big thing I was a fan of using whole sentences complete with punctuation. My daughter read my text one day and called to say “Why are you so mad?” I wasn’t mad, I just used periods. Apparently this will kill a text conversation quickly. If you want a response from them, then it’s not bad to ask if you should use punctuation, no punctuation, emojis, GIFs, etc. Having a conversation about this will help them feel valued and have ownership of the communication in your relationship.
This is not a subject that can be thoroughly discussed in a blog post – there are volumes of books you could read. But, if you’re having some issues with communication then try these few things and I bet you will see a big difference in a short time. God Bless!
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